I learned to love him over the years,
as I watched him become a human being:
learning to talk
and becoming stubborn, bright, artistic, and funny.

I had just turned thirty.
Fifteen years ago,
It wasn’t normal to be single at the age of thirty.
At every wedding I went to, my aunts would tell me,
“We hope you’re next, dear.
May God reward your patience.”
They’d say it with sorrowful eyes,
You know the look.
domestic violence, gender violence, physical violence, motherhood, marriage, divorce

I got pregnant with twins.
I suffered from postpartum depression for a year and two months after giving birth.
I had constant nervous breakdowns,
And would cry hysterically.
I was under so much pressure from my in-laws..

Their idea of “protection” is misconstrued.
It’s no different than my father putting me inside a box.

I’m afraid of having children.
I’m afraid of raising a son or daughter in this country.
“C’mon, you need to have a baby soon.”
“Why don’t you want to have children?”
“Have you gone for a check up?”

I got divorced five years ago.
I’m a mother of two girls: 17 and 13.
I’m 49 years old and I live with my parents.
I’ve been working with NGOs for eight years.
motherhood, marriage, divorce

Perhaps most of us before marriage,
Don’t really understand the impact our mothers have on us.
We don’t really appreciate it.
We don’t possess enough awareness to appreciate what they’ve done for us.
I used to get mad at her quite often,
Just like anyone who was in high school or college.
motherhood, parents

I was lost.
I was trying to figure things out.
Where did I go wrong?
The anger I had inside me for wasting years of my life was projected onto my poor son.
I wanted to be selfish.
I wanted to love myself.
I’ve been through enough.
motherhood, marriage, divorce

I used to be a swimmer.
I am dark-skinned,
Because I used to go to swim practice every morning.
I’m the only person in my family with curly hair.
Not a day would pass without someone commenting on my hair and skin.

I got married when I was very young,
As soon as I finished college.
It’s not your classic story of finding out he was a different man after marriage.
Everything was clear from the start.
We don’t really understand the meaning of the other person’s actions when we’re young.