I really, really hate how I look.
I have zero self-confidence.
I have issues when it comes to food and eating.
I often don’t have an appetite,
And it shows on my face:
It’s thin and pale,
And my nose is the biggest thing on my face.
I get a lot of horrible comments and looks of pity.
I was depressed for a very long time,
And it hugely impacted the way I looked.
One time,
I was wearing a dark abaya,
And my uncle’s wife saw me.
“Your niece looked like she was wearing a noose,”
She told my aunt.

I have poor eyesight,
And I have to wear glasses.
I get told that I look like a man,
And that I need a round face for the glasses to suit me,
So I took them off.
My eyesight keeps getting worse.
I’m dying to put them back on,
But I genuinely feel embarrassed of how I look.

I don’t wear makeup and I don’t want to,
But my friends tell me I should,
Because my face looks “really pale and it’s tinged with yellow.”
It’s gotten to a point where I don’t go to university.
I can’t look any guy in the face,
Because I’m afraid they’ll make fun of how I look.
I don’t want them to make me feel like I’m not like the other beautiful girls they see.
I never sit next to guys during lectures.
I’m afraid of them.

I get scared of getting into fights with girls,
Because I don’t want to find out later that she made fun of how I looked.
I never ever take pictures of myself.
Even when my friends,
Whom I love,
Beg me to be in pictures with them,
So we can have memories to look back on.
But I always refuse,
And it really upsets me.

I fell in love with a guy.
I told him we were friends,
But I was in love with him,
I kept trying to cut things off with him.
I was often short with him,
Because I was afraid.
Afraid of telling him one day how I felt,
Only to get rejected because I wasn’t beautiful like other girls.

Whenever he tried to get me to take a picture with him,
I’d completely refuse.
Every single time.
Then, on one unfortunate day,
I told him how I felt.
He told me we were just friends,
Nothing more.
I felt really pathetic,
And that no one would ever like me.

I don’t know how to accept how I look.
Whenever I go to uni,
I draw the window curtains in the car,
Because I get embarrassed at the idea of people in passing cars seeing me.
I genuinely need any kind of help.