I’m 19 years old.
Today, baba beat me with a rubber hose and shoved me to the floor

Why are you so sure, mama, that my future will be exactly like yours?
Why not be thankful that I’m learning from your mistakes?
Why are you so sure that I’ll get married soon like you and ruin my life?
(That’s what mama said.)

I know you’ll never understand or accept me.
So for the very first time in my life I had to lie.

When I was in middle school, someone beat me up.
We were playing football, and he beat me up, so I went home crying.
My dad saw me and asked why I was crying, so I told him what had happened.
masculinity, social pressure, parents

I used to love someone.
We worked together.
I really admired his personality.
He asked for my hand in marriage,
But my parents rejected him,
Because he was from a different social class.
I had a feeling he was ambitious,
And that he’d amount to something.
When we were engaged,
He was always concerned with the apartment,
And getting it ready.

The first time I was molested,
Or the first time I realized that someone had molested me,
I was a 7 year old child.
He was an old man.
I was on the beach, and he took advantage of me being alone,
While my parents were away,
So he touched me.
gender violence, sexual violence, child molestation, parents, suicide

I first got my period when I was in the 7th grade.
A few months prior to getting it,
My mother had told me everything about it.
She told me about her own experience,
And told me what to do when I got it.
I was alone the first time I got it,
But I knew what to do.

My father came in and slapped me on the face.
“Isn’t it enough what you did?” he said.
Then my mother said,
“Isn’t it enough what happened?!
Isn’t it enough what you did?
What more will you do?”

When I was young,
I used to love finding out about new things before the time was right.
We were at my grandmother’s one time,
When I saw blood on my aunt’s pyjamas.
I was surprised.
I ran to my mother in tears and told her what I saw.

I’m a country girl, unfortunately.
I am 27 years old.
I’ve been getting beaten up and humiliated since I was 3 years old.
I remember every blow, and the pain.
I still have scars on my body,
That serve as a constant reminder.